Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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