i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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