I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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