you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
