i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
