True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
