I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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