My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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