Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
