Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
nut hugger
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
