the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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