dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i think my cat just said my name.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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