I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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