Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
