I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize