Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
