Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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