fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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