Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I want to have your abortion
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
