college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
