I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
