Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
