I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
