hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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