Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
