ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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