I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
