You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
