then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
