Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
