I need to stop coming to work sober
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
