'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
