my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize