wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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