All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
