I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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