Where is the hickey?
Your dad touched me again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
