i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
