You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
