The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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