If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
