So drunk its hurt
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
