trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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