I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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