please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You made out with two different species that night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just had sex on a roof
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
