Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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