A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
