FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this boner is exhausting
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
