I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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