we're chasing vodka with high fives
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Everyone says I win the strip club
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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