someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
