yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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