dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize