I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
