He disabled his match.com account in front of me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
