i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
