Duck Duck Cougar?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
