pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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