i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
